My Beautiful Man (Utsukushii Kare) Review : Seeing the Person Behind the Beautiful Image
A Note from Aarti 🌿
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My Beautiful Man — Seeing the Person Behind the Beautiful Image
* May contain few spoilers for Season 1, Season 2 and My Beautiful Man: Eternal.
What is My Beautiful Man?
My Beautiful Man (Utsukushii Kare) is a Japanese BL romance/drama adapted from Yuu Nagira's novel series. The television adaptation stars Riku Hagiwara as Hira Kazunari and Yusei Yagi as Kiyoi Sou, with Mai Sakai directing and Fumi Tsubota writing. Season 1 aired from November 18 to December 23, 2021, with six episodes, followed by Season 2 in 2023 with four episodes.
The story then continues with My Beautiful Man: Eternal, a 103-minute film released in Japan on April 7, 2023.
The story takes us through three stages of Hira and Kiyoi's lives: their high-school years, university, and then the much bigger turning point of graduation and adulthood.
At its simplest, this is the story of Hira, a socially isolated boy who becomes fascinated by Kiyoi, the beautiful and popular “King” of his class. What begins with Hira putting Kiyoi on an almost unreachable pedestal slowly becomes a relationship between two people who love each other very deeply, but don't always understand what the other person is trying to say.
But here's what this story made me feel.
Hira looks at Kiyoi. Kiyoi watches Hira looking at him
I think My Beautiful Man can very easily look like Hira's one-sided love story.
And in some ways, it is.
Hira is the one who becomes fascinated with Kiyoi almost immediately. He is the one who looks at him and thinks he is beautiful. He is the one who slowly turns that fascination into something much bigger.
But for me, Hira's feelings don't feel like fully formed love at first.
fascination → attraction → fixation → admiration → desire → love.
Hira is already someone who lives more comfortably as an observer than a participant. Photography gives him a way to look at the world from a distance. Then Kiyoi enters that world, and suddenly there is someone Hira cannot stop looking at.
And that gaze becomes everything.
Kiyoi isn't just beautiful to Hira.
He becomes the King.
And Hira becomes someone who believes he has no place beside him.
That is why I find Hira's feelings so interesting. He can desperately want Kiyoi and still believe that Kiyoi could never want him back.
His desire and his self-worth are almost completely disconnected.
I love him.
There is no way someone like him could ever love someone like me.
So Hira's love can look so intense, consuming, sacred and so one-sided for so long.
And yet, while Hira is busy looking at Kiyoi, Kiyoi is also watching.
Hira looks at Kiyoi as though he is the only person in the room.
He is Hira's whole world.
And I think Kiyoi becomes fascinated by that gaze, that quiet gaze that speaks volumes, of the person who is looking at him.
Kiyoi is already used to people looking at him.
He is beautiful. He is popular. He is the centre of attention.
But Hira's gaze is different.
Hira isn't simply looking at the popular boy everyone wants to look at.
He looks at Kiyoi as though Kiyoi is the only person who exists.
And I think Kiyoi starts wondering about the person behind that gaze.
Why does Hira look at him like that?
What exactly does Hira see when he looks at him?
Does Hira actually want Kiyoi, or does he only want the beautiful King he has created in his head?
That is why I don't see Kiyoi's feelings as something that suddenly appear after Hira defends him from the bullying.
His feelings are already developing before that.
He keeps Hira close.
He creates reasons for Hira to remain around him.
He notices him.
He discovers things about him.
He tries to understand Hira.
Even something as simple as the spilled-water incident feels different when you look at it from this perspective. Kiyoi tells Hira that he is his to order around, but at the same time he doesn't simply allow someone else to decide what Hira should do. It is still wrapped in Kiyoi's arrogance and bullying, but there is already a strange possessiveness there.
Then there is the moment when Hira discovers Kiyoi secretly practising for the idol competition. Suddenly Hira is allowed to see something vulnerable behind the image of the King, and Kiyoi asks him to keep that secret.
These moments don't feel to me like Kiyoi falling in love for the first time.
They feel like Kiyoi slowly becoming interested in this strange person who keeps looking at him differently.
The bullying and Hira's defence of Kiyoi don't create those feelings.
They confirm something.
Hira's feelings aren't just fascination with Kiyoi's beauty.
Hira will actually stand up for him when it matters.
And from there, Kiyoi becomes increasingly aware of what he wants from Hira.
Kiyoi's love is easier to miss
Hira's love is easier to see because we are inside his head.
Kiyoi's love is different.
His love is hidden inside his behaviour.
He teases.
He tests.
He gets jealous.
He creates opportunities.
He gets angry when Hira doesn't understand.
But he still waits patiently for Hira to catch up.
And that patience is something I think we sometimes overlook because Kiyoi is so impatient on the surface.
He wants Hira to understand now.
But underneath all that frustration, he keeps waiting.
He keeps giving him another chance.
Another opening.
Another opportunity to see what Kiyoi is actually trying to say.
Because Kiyoi doesn't simply want someone to admire him.
He wants someone to choose him.
There is a huge difference between being admired and being wanted.
People can look at you because you're beautiful.
People can want to be close to you because you're popular.
People can desire the image of you.
But that doesn't necessarily mean they know you.
And I think Kiyoi desperately wants Hira to want him.
Not just the King.
Not just the beautiful person.
Not the image Hira has created.
Kiyoi, the person behind that image.
That's why his pride doesn't feel like simple arrogance to me.
Sometimes pride is what vulnerability looks like when someone is terrified of being rejected and left alone.
And when someone is afraid of that, they don't even dare to ask directly for what they want or wish for.
Do you love me?
they test.
Choose me.
they create situations where the other person has the opportunity to choose.
I need you.
they become angry when the other person doesn't understand.
And that is what makes their relationship so frustrating and so beautiful at the same time.
Their language is so different that sometimes, when they finally dare to say or do something after gathering all their courage, the other person is still not able to understand it.
They are both trying.
They are both speaking.
But sometimes they are speaking completely different languages.
There is no way he means me.
And Hira can say something with his entire heart behind it, while Kiyoi hears something completely different because he is still trying to understand what Hira's worship actually means.
That is why the backstage scene in Season 1 hits so hard for me.
Kiyoi asks Hira what he is to him, and Hira says he is the person he loves most in the world.
That sounds like the perfect answer.
Except Hira immediately places Kiyoi back on the throne.
He is the King.
You can love that ideal version of me, but can you see the person standing in front of you?
Have you ever considered that I love you?
And Hira cannot believe it.
Kiyoi has reached out.
Hira simply cannot imagine that the hand is actually being extended toward him.
That's the tragedy of their first love.
Hira thinks Kiyoi is too far above him.
Kiyoi thinks Hira is too far away from him.
And both are standing there loving each other.
The King and the pebble
Hira doesn't just love Kiyoi.
He worships Kiyoi.
And I think that worship is one of the most complicated parts of their relationship.
Because somewhere, it is also how everything started.
Hira's fascination with Kiyoi became admiration, and admiration became almost sacred devotion.
And I think Kiyoi actually wants some part of that worship from Hira.
Because there is something incredibly special about being looked at by someone as though you are the most beautiful person in their world.
But at the same time, Kiyoi hates that worship.
Because that same worship keeps them apart.
It puts Hira beneath him.
It makes Kiyoi unreachable.
And it doesn't allow them to come close enough to simply be two people in love.
So when I think of Kiyoi's desire for equality, I don't think he wants Hira to stop admiring him.
It's almost the opposite.
He wants to be admired without being placed above Hira.
Admire me, but don't put me above you.
That's why the “pebble” idea matters so much to me.
Hira sees Kiyoi as someone above him.
Kiyoi sees Hira as his man.
And when Kiyoi rejects Hira's idea that he is some insignificant pebble, it feels like Kiyoi is correcting not only what Hira says about himself, but how Hira sees himself.
Kiyoi has already put Hira beside himself in his mind.
Hira is the one who has to learn to put himself there.
And that is not something Hira can learn overnight.
Love doesn't mean deciding for someone else
There is something about Hira's love that I find both beautiful and frustrating.
He genuinely wants what is best for Kiyoi.
But sometimes he decides what “best” means without asking Kiyoi.
Because Hira believes Kiyoi is extraordinary and he himself is insignificant, it becomes very easy for him to reach the conclusion that Kiyoi would be better off without him.
And that is a strange kind of love.
You can love someone deeply and still hurt them by deciding for them.
You can protect someone so much that you don't allow them to choose what they actually want.
And Kiyoi has spent so much of their relationship trying to make Hira understand:
I get to choose too.
I get to decide who I love.
I get to decide who I want.
And I choose you.
That's also why I think Kiyoi's fear of losing Hira is more complicated than simply worrying that Hira might stop loving him.
Kiyoi deserves someone better.
And then leave him because he thinks that is what love requires.
That would be devastating for Kiyoi.
Because Kiyoi doesn't only need to know that Hira loves him.
He needs Hira to understand that Kiyoi is capable of choosing Hira for himself.
That is part of what equality means for them.
Love someone, yes.
Protect them, yes.
Want the best for them, yes.
But don't decide their feelings for them.
Let them choose.
Let them say what they want.
Let them choose you.
The turtle doesn't become a rabbit
Season 2 is where this becomes especially important to me.
Because Hira is still Hira.
And honestly, he will always be Hira.
What he actually needs is to keep moving, keep evolving, instead of staying still.
A turtle cannot become a rabbit overnight.
And I don't think Hira needs to become a completely different person to deserve Kiyoi.
His growth isn't about suddenly becoming confident, socially perfect or independent in every possible way.
His growth is movement.
He takes a step.
Sometimes he takes another.
Sometimes he goes backwards.
But he keeps moving.
And I think Kiyoi understands that better than we sometimes give him credit for.
Kiyoi wants Hira to have a life outside simply waiting for Kiyoi.
Even though I think Kiyoi loves that Hira is waiting for him.
If I look back, if I come home, Hira will always be there.
But Kiyoi still wants Hira to find things he can do for himself.
A career.
Photography.
Something that belongs to Hira.
Something that gives him a reason to move forward even when Kiyoi isn't standing in front of him.
And the job conversation makes this especially clear to me.
When Kiyoi tells Hira that he doesn't care if Hira never gets a job because Kiyoi earns enough, Hira doesn't become relieved.
He becomes sad.
But when Kiyoi tells him to work hard or he'll leave him, Hira suddenly becomes motivated.
Because Hira doesn't want to be someone Kiyoi simply takes care of.
He wants to become someone Kiyoi can depend on.
That is such an important shift.
Hira's question is slowly changing from:
Why would Kiyoi choose me?
to:
How can I stand beside him?
And Kiyoi has already reached that place emotionally.
Hira is just slowly catching up.
That's why I don't think Season 2 is about Hira becoming someone new.
It's about Hira learning that he is allowed to occupy the same space as Kiyoi.
Photography — the way Hira sees Kiyoi
Photography has always felt like much more than a hobby in this story.
At first, Hira uses a camera almost like a safe distance between himself and the world.
He observes.
He doesn't participate.
Then Kiyoi becomes the person Hira wants to photograph.
And eventually, photography becomes one of the ways Hira expresses something he cannot always say with words.
Because Hira is not particularly good at explaining himself.
But he can look.
And he can photograph.
That's why the conflict in Eternal affects me so much.
When Hira meets Noguchi and sees how incredible his photography is, he starts doubting himself.
He feels like maybe he isn't good enough.
And he stops wanting to photograph Kiyoi.
For Hira, that can feel like both a professional and a personal decision.
But for Kiyoi, photography has never been only about taking pictures.
It is part of the way Hira looks at him.
So when Hira no longer wants to photograph him, I can understand why Kiyoi feels hurt in a way that goes much deeper than:
My boyfriend doesn't want to take my picture anymore.
It can feel like:
Has the way you look at me changed?
And when Hira eventually photographs Kiyoi beautifully again, it isn't only proof that Hira can take a good photograph.
It means Hira has found his own gaze again.
We all know that photographs aren't just pictures.
Sometimes they also show us what the photographer saw and felt in that moment.
So Hira's photographs of Kiyoi are not simply:
This is what Kiyoi looks like.
They are:
This is what Kiyoi looks like to Hira.
And nobody else can photograph him in exactly that way.
Eternal — learning how to build a life
By the time we reach Eternal, the question isn't really:
Do they love each other?
We already know they do.
Now they have to learn how to build a life together.
Kiyoi's career is growing.
Hira is trying to find his own direction.
And once again, their biggest problem isn't the absence of love.
It's the way they understand themselves within that love.
Hira still looks at Kiyoi and sees someone incredible.
Someone successful.
Someone beautiful.
Someone who might deserve more.
And Kiyoi is still looking at Hira and thinking:
I want my boyfriend beside me.
Not behind me.
Not beneath me.
Not waiting forever for me.
Beside me.
That is why I like how the movie allows other relationships and other forms of fandom to exist around them.
Anna and her relationship, Shitara's fandom, Hira's own relationship with Kiyoi—all of these give us different ways of looking at love, admiration and attachment.
Even the contrast between the two fans is interesting to me.
Being a fan isn't automatically something bad.
Hira is, in many ways, still Kiyoi's biggest fan.
But Hira's love doesn't make him want to own Kiyoi or destroy his life.
His admiration often becomes protection.
Support.
The desire to see Kiyoi shine.
The problem isn't that Hira admires Kiyoi.
The problem is when admiration becomes hierarchy.
And Kiyoi keeps trying to remove that hierarchy.
Who is that?
And this is probably where My Beautiful Man became something much bigger for me than just a love story.
Because eventually I started thinking about a question:
Who is that person we think we know?
Hira doesn't simply fall in love with Kiyoi.
He creates an image of Kiyoi.
The King.
The beautiful one.
The unreachable one.
The person who is almost too perfect to be real.
But sometimes, because of that image, Hira struggles to see the actual person standing in front of him.
Kiyoi, meanwhile, wants someone to see the person underneath the image.
He wants to be loved when he is jealous.
When he is insecure.
When he is angry.
When he is needy.
When he doesn't know how to say what he wants.
He doesn't want to be reduced to being beautiful.
He wants to be known.
And then Hira has his own version of the same problem.
Who is Hira beneath the image Hira has created of himself?
A pebble?
Someone insignificant?
Someone who can only stand behind Kiyoi?
Or is he someone capable of being loved, desired, depended upon and chosen?
That is why I think the question eventually becomes:
Who is that?
Who is Kiyoi beyond the King?
Who is Hira beyond the person who worships him?
And maybe this is something we all do.
We put people on pedestals.
We create versions of them in our minds.
We assume we know what they want.
We decide what is best for them.
Sometimes we admire someone so much that we stop seeing the person.
Sometimes our own low self-worth makes it impossible for us to believe that someone could genuinely choose us.
Sometimes we love someone while still failing to understand them.
And sometimes we spend so much time trying to protect someone that we forget they are also capable of making their own choices.
Maybe we don't always fail to love someone.
Sometimes we fail to see them.
And perhaps that's why photography fits this story so perfectly.
Because looking and seeing aren't the same thing.
A camera can capture someone's face.
But what the photographer chooses to focus on, what they notice, what they feel while looking—that becomes part of the photograph too.
And Hira spends so much of this story learning the difference between looking at Kiyoi and actually seeing Kiyoi.
What love eventually becomes
When I look at Hira and Kiyoi across all three parts of the story, I don't think their journey is simply:
They fall in love and eventually get together.
For me, it feels more like three different stages of learning how to love.
In Season 1, they have to learn:
I love you, and you love me.
Kiyoi wants Hira to believe that his love is real.
In Season 2, they have to learn:
We are partners. We are equals.
Kiyoi doesn't want Hira beneath him.
He wants him beside him.
And in Eternal, they have to learn:
We can build a life together without either of us disappearing inside the relationship.
Hira can have his own dreams.
Kiyoi can have his own career.
Hira can admire Kiyoi.
Kiyoi can be proud of Hira.
They can depend on each other without one becoming smaller than the other.
And I like that Hira's growth never requires him to stop being Hira.
He doesn't suddenly become a completely different person.
He just keeps moving.
He keeps evolving.
And maybe that is enough.
Because love shouldn't always demand that we become someone else.
Sometimes it asks us to become more fully ourselves, so we can meet the person we love without hiding behind our insecurities.
And Kiyoi has his own growth too.
He has to learn that loving Hira doesn't mean constantly dragging him forward.
Sometimes it means waiting.
Sometimes it means giving him space.
Sometimes it means being patient enough to let Hira reach the same place in his own time.
Because communication is important.
But I don't think communication alone is enough.
Communication is the key, but understanding is the metal that key is made from. And patience helps turn it, slowly, until the door finally opens, so two people can meet.
Maybe that is what Hira and Kiyoi spend the entire story learning.
How to open that door.
How to stop standing on opposite sides of it.
How to stop loving an image and start seeing the person.
Not the King.
Not the worshipper.
Not the beautiful one.
Not the pebble.
Just Kiyoi.
Just Hira.
Two people who love each other.
Two people who finally learn to see each other.
And maybe, in the end, that is what makes them equal—not that they stop being different, but that they finally learn how to meet each other where they are.
So, for me personally, My Beautiful Man is worth a watch for its complicated yet beautiful love.
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